The Other Side

Mother's Day is just around the corner. Just a few years ago, a groundswell of emotion surrounding the 'holiday' began and this year is no different. Those hurt by childlessness want Mothers Day to pass a little more quietly. Or, quite frankly, not be recognized at all. I understand the heartache of year after year of infertility because I've traveled that road. I understand the soul shattering, life stopping feelings of losing children, because I've traveled that road too. 

But I received a letter yesterday and want to share an excerpt. This young woman included the article she was responding to, and very eloquently hit the nail right on the head in identifying the two things that control our grief and make it so destructive. Selfishness and bitterness. At my lowest points, I felt both of those, and am now honest enough to admit it. 

I appreciated her take on the matter, and thought you might too. 

"I will not apologize for being a mother. I will not bow my head and allow my place as a mother to be given a back seat in order to be politically correct. Motherhood is a sacred calling. It IS something to be celebrated, something to be thankful for, and something to be recognized. If you don't like it - I'm really sorry.

This article (included with the letter) has quite a bit of selfishness and bitterness in it. I know what it's like to sit in the pew, not married and childless, and wonder when it will be your turn. I spent last mother's day with a loved one who is unable to have children. I have experienced the pain of losing a baby before they are born... more than once. I cannot even imagine losing a child after having the privilege of raising them for a time. But, the reasons we allow  ourselves to be upset because mothers are being recognized are selfish. We're too busy wallowing in our own bitterness and resentment. Have you taken time to think of your own mother? Thank your mother? Do you truly know what mother's day is to a mom?

Mother's day is not a day when mom's expect to receive diamonds, exquisite praise, or a new car. It's a day when we hope to go to the bathroom by ourselves, sleep in a little, get a break from cooking lunch or doing dishes, and get sweet cards from our kids.

I am blessed with awesome kids. My boys, age 2 and 4, are very thankful children. When I give them a cookie or a drink, they say thank you. But, let's face it. Motherhood is a "thankless" job. My 2 year old doesn't hop up after I've changed my 6th poopy diaper of the day (not exaggerating - I have 3 in diapers) and say "thank you, mommy, for wiping my poopy butt! I know you don't like to do it, but I greatly appreciate it!" I spend a lot of time wiping bottoms, cleaning up, dressing, wiping noses, putting in time-out, breaking up fights, teaching to be kind, hugging, loving, and praying that I'm helping my children to learn to be like Christ. I've been pooped on, puked on, coughed on, sneezed on, peed on. I have sacrificed sleep, time, friendships, my job, and my body for my children. I am THRILLED to have the opportunity to do all the said things, but there are days that it would just be really nice to hear a thank you. Motherhood is a sacred calling - the highest calling there is. I have to keep my eye on the prize.

Having a special day, where my family says thank you, helps me keep my eyes on what matters. It doesn't matter how little sleep I've had in the past 5 years, it doesn't matter that I have no clue what's in style, that I have stretch marks, or that my boobs have belonged to my children for years. Nope. It doesn't matter because I am blessed. My kids love me, my husband loves me, and they make me feel so special that day. I am lucky to be their mom.

This is my job, so it's just a day when I celebrate my job. You have boss's day, administrative assistant day, and even cow appreciation day. I don't get upset when I don't get recognized because that's not a day that applies to me. But, when it comes to the most sacred of callings, we need to try to not offend anyone and just not acknowledge it because someone might feel sorry for themselves? Nope. Don't think so.

I don't love standing in church when they ask mothers to stand because I feel totally self conscious, but, I shouldn't NOT want to stand because others are upset by it. I AM a mother. I AM proud of that. I'm sorry you're not a mother, that you lost a child, that you cannot have children, and you lost your mother, but I can only pray that the Lord can soothe that hurt for you. Not celebrating this special day will not soothe that hurt, it just makes it easier for you.

So, this mother's day, I will happily take the special card my children scribble for me, take an extra hug and a kiss, and enjoy my break from dishes. I do not feel bad, and I will not be made to feel like the enemy because I rejoice in my role as a mother."

Honor your father and mother 

(which is the first commandment with a promise), 

so that it may be well with you, 

and that you may live long on the earth.

Eph. 6:2-3