Mommy's Excellent Adventure - An Old Email

Many of you have already seen this, but for those of you requesting a "read", here you go. Knock yourselves out.

This is an accounting, in email form, of one of the dumbest things I've ever done. It was a very cold January night and I was headed to the airport to pick Jim up after coming home from a trip. I had my watchdog, Doug, in the car with me and was on the phone with Abbey when it started. I wrote her later that evening to tell her how it all ended up. 

-----Original Message-----

To: Abbey J*****

Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 10:33 PM

Subject: Mommy's excellent adventure

So, here's what happened to me tonight while on the phone with you. It's now an established fact that I can no longer be trusted around small children and open flames. Good thing I'm rarely around either one!! 

When I was pulling out of the garage to get your dad, the garage door wouldn't close. It kept going back up, which it's been doing a lot lately. The remote seems to be a little temperamental. So I sat about mid-way down the drive trying to get the remote to work but the door just kept going back up. So, with the remote in one hand, and while still on the phone with you, I got out of the car and started up the drive to see if there was something in front of the beam on the door, and I look over and the car is going up the drive with me!!! So, I go to hop back in the car to put it in park only to find that the door has locked, which it does automatically when the wheels move, and I stinking CAN'T GET IN TO STOP IT!! In a panic, I see that the garage door is coming down and the car is probably going to run into it and at the same time, I'm pulling on the door handle trying to stop the car, which amazingly I'm doing!! So I figure if I can get into the beam of the garage door quickly enough, it'll make the door go back up and maybe, since I've been able to stop the car by pulling back on the door handle, I can also stop it by standing in front of the car. Obviously, these thoughts are going through my head rather quickly, while I'm chanting "oh crap, oh crap o crap, Abbey, I've done something REALLY stupid!!!" 

Well I managed to send the door back up and stop the car with it's nose just barely into the garage, only to think "what in the world to I do NOW!!???" SO glad I had the phone in my hand! So, I called 911, frantically explained my situation and begged for help. The operator informed me that I had the wrong 911 exchange, and so she transferred me to the Reynoldsburg emergency, where I got to go through the WHOLE STINKING THING AGAIN!!!

So after about 10 minutes, the cop sauntered up the drive, hands me a release to fill out and sign, and starts working on the door. She was expressing a little frustration that the dispatcher hadn't told her that the dog was locked in the car. ALL THE WHILE I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CAR HOLDING IT BACK FROM DRIVING THROUGH THE HOUSE!! HELLO!! 

So, finally, when I started to shake because I had been standing like that for about 15 minutes and I was also freezing my gazorplatz, I asked her if she had anything in her car to block the wheels so that I could stand upright. I'm not sure what she was thinking about why I was braced against the car like I was. So she got a big jack to brace in front of the wheels of my car, and expressed yet more frustration about the dispatcher not telling her that I was actually holding the car back with my body!!! Like I said, WHY WAS I STINKING STANDING LIKE I WAS AND WHY DIDN'T SHE INVESTIGATE FURTHER FOR HERSELF!!!??

She finally had to call another car with a longer thingy to reach the door lock to trip it. The whole time she was working on it, she was talking to Doug trying to get her to stand on the door ledge where the lock button is so that she might press the button. I guess her dog had done that with her electric windows and choked itself when the window came up. At one point, the dispatcher called and said something to her, and she turns to me and asks if the voice was familiar, and if that was the one I had talked to. I told her I was a little distracted and couldn't be sure. HELLO LADY, I WAS TRYING NOT TO GET RUN OVER BY MY OWN CAR WHILE MY BIG BAD WATCHDOG BARKED AND PLAYED INSIDE!! ALL I REMEMBER DOING WAS BEGGING FOR HELP!!

She really did a good job, and I'm not busting her chops. It is kind of amazing that the dispatcher didn't pass along the nature of my problem. It took so long for the police to get to me that I actually called back to see how much longer it was going to be. I was getting kind of tired and really didn't want a car in my laundry room. At least not tonight. I'm really glad I wasn't pinned somewhere!! But just as my second call was answered, the police car drove up. It's kind of bizarre to look back on now.

Anyway, when she finally wedged the wheels so that I could let go of the car, I filled out her release and I was so frozen by that point, I could barely write. Her other cop guy came, they got the door unlocked, and she promptly proceeds to get in the car, with my big bad watchdog, and put the car in park. Yeah, my big bad watchdog didn't make a sound and I think they're best friends now. In fact, I think they're going shopping this weekend!! So much for the watchdog I take to the airport with me!!!

So, that was MY excellent adventure. What do you have to say for YOURSELF???!!! I've fulfilled my stupid quota for the week and it's only Tuesday!! I say I've done pretty well. I'm just so glad the car didn't run over me, or hit anything else. Thank you Jesus!!! In any game of "Can You Top This" for the foreseeable future, I say I win. Hands down. Feel free to tell all your friends!

I'm going now. I love you, and am so sorry that you have a special needs mom. Oh well, at least I'm fun!!

Kisses!

Bob

-----End of Message-----

You who are simple,

gain prudence;

You who are foolish,

set your hearts on it.

Proverbs 8:5