The husband is a career pilot, having flown nearly 20,000 hours in 12 different jets, and countless propeller driven equipment. Some of the terms he uses are aviation wide. Others are specific to either civilian or military aviation. And even within the civilian theater, some terms are specific to either Airline or General aviation. And within General aviation, there's an even further breakdown. So it gets complicated. And confusing. But if you've landed here voluntarily, you should be used to my confusion. Welcome to my world. If you could only see inside my head..................
1. More Acronymns. The list is endless - NQC, SMR, ATC, NJI/NJA, FRED, BUFF, SOS, AR, ORI, FAA, ZULU, JP4, MEL, DOM ......
Yes, I know what most of those initials stand for. But beyond that, I can't necessarily tell you what they MEAN when they're all put together. Sometimes it's because I just don't use that kind of language, if you know what I mean. Other times, I can tell you what the letters stand for, but nothing beyond that. Learning the dialect of husband speak means learning what the letters mean, but it's not until husband speak is MASTERED that I could EXPLAIN them to anyone else. I know I won't ever master husband speak. It's kind of like "Spanglish". I never really mastered that either.
2. Flipper, Quiche Wagon, and Wide Mouth Bottom Feeder - Terms of endearment for Boeing 737's. The wide mouths are the later models with bigger engines. You can use your imagination for the source of the other two.
3. Boards - Speed brakes on military aircraft.
4. Number 1 - You young parents might THINK you know what this means, but in this case, it's actually the lead airplane in a formation. The other airplanes in the formation have to keep up with Number 1. Different planes in the formation can take over the number 1 position and when that happens there is a simple flash of hand signals beside their helmets coupled with radio calls to make the change. I learned those hand signals before cell phones were invented and we had to travel with 2 cars. They came in very handy, actually.
5. "Fatigue" - Being too tired to fly.
I never heard this phrase until my handsome half had passed through both military and airline aviation. In the military, he was told to fly, so he flew. End of discussion. In the airline business, for the most part, schedules are built with the crews ability to fulfill the requirements before they become too tired to do so. But when he entered the realm of general aviation in the form of corporate flying, I became acquainted with the term "Fatigue", as in calling in to say "I'm going to fatigue", i.e. "I'm not going to fly because I'm just too tired". Military and airline pilots often have very little patience for the amount of "Fatigue-ing" that goes on among some general aviation pilots. But that's not a battle the Lord intended for me to fight. I just try to follow the conversation, remember?
6. Crew Food/Crew Meals - Food that the crews eat. You knew that one. PLEASE tell me you knew that one!
When the handsome half was in the military, he spent most of his time outside of the contiguous United States, flying at odd hours, and trying to figure out what foreign air traffic controllers were telling him to do. He often had to depend on the base or local snack bars for his meals, and the snack bars were usually manned by the local population, which meant that English was their second language. These sweet people often missed the sarcasm in much of what the crews said when they ordered meals before or after they flew. "Extra grease, please" or "A side of grease" were actually intended as negative commentaries on the meal. But these ESL folks would hear them say it and happily throw some extra grease on the grill. Yeah.........
7. Spoilers - Civilian for #3
8. "Guaming" - It's raining. That's what it often does on Guam
9. "Prang It In" - A very hard landing. Sometimes after REALLY pranging it in, flight attendants "find their pantyhose at their ankles."
10. "Water Your Eyes" - The opposite of "prang it in". When the landing or flight performance is so good that it waters your eyes.
11. "Keep your smash up" - Get your airspeed up. Go fast. "Let the Big Dog Eat" means the same thing in civilian aviation.
In the military, you get your smash up in order to catch up to number 1 (see #4). You got that, right? Because trailing number 1 by too much isn't a good thing. A "tight" (close) formation is way better. Conversely, "Too much smash" would mean you're at risk of overtaking number 1.... which would then make you number 1. But you never want to become number 1 with too much smash unless you're supposed to be the new number 1. If that's the case, you BETTER get your smash up or you'll never make it to number 1. Get it? You just got several terms with a heavy dose of that confusion I referenced earlier!
12. Long Steel Tube - Another name for McDonnell Douglas MD80's. Because............ that's right, children!! They look like long steel tubes. Very good!
No one ever said "Husband Speak" was terribly deep.
13. Barbie Doll Jets - Fokker F100's. Supposedly, they're so easy to fly a Barbie doll could do it. Which means I'm NOT as smart as a Barbie doll.
14. Blunt End Forward - See T-37. This is the first jet my better half ever flew. Why it's called "blunt end forward" is obvious just looking at it. It also had a distinctive whine while in flight. It was one of the many airplanes I came to recognize just by their distinctive sound.
15. Lawn Darts - I've only ever heard that term applied to Embraer's. I guess because they're kind of long and skinny ......like a dart. Hey. I don't make 'em up, I just learn what they mean.
16. White Papers - Incident reports to document out of the ordinary events on a particular flight. Again, I didn't learn this term until the hubs entered corporate aviation. And it doesn't make much sense. It's not written on paper, and it's not white. Whatever. I CAN tell you that generating white papers is generally considered a pain in the keester.
17. "Up and Locked" - Officially refers to the landing gear being up inside the body of the airplane and locked into place, thereby allowing safe flight.
But I have to tell you, I love this term because the applications are endless. We often use it in reference to people or philosophies that are a bit (ok, sometimes a LOT) difficult to deal with. Even our kids know what 'up and locked' means. You don't want to be "Up and Locked".
18. Spinners - You'd think that this would have to do with some part that spins on an airplane. Not so, Kemosabe! It's a civilian aviation term that actually came into being with the companies that decided to forego assigned seating.
When the flying public are not told where to sit, they tend to stand in the middle of the aisle while they try to decide where to sit. Sometimes this process of decision making includes going back and forth from the front to the back looking for just the right seat. If you ever find yourself doing this, congratulations. You are a "Spinner". And it is because of spinners that flights are often delayed. I'm a seasoned traveler, and you can trust me to tell you the truth. THE SEATS ARE ALL THE SAME! One is no more comfortable than another. Just find one and sit down so we can get airborne!
19. MAC - A military acronym that stands for "Military Airlift Command". MAC is no longer in existence, and it's mission has been incorporated into other commands. My handsome half spent most of his military career in MAC. They flew airplanes 24/7 all over the globe. In fact, his squadron was called "Global Eagles". It was a good time in our lives. But that's not to say all of MAC was good. Often when something distasteful happens around our house, we often say "We MAC'ed".
20. Early American MAC - The style of our household decorating. Because the hubs traveled so much, he was able to do some interesting shopping. At one time, much of our home was furnished with items he drug home from some other country. It didn't match, it wasn't a fancy brand name, and it never fit in a specific decorating type. It is a category all it's own, and few people appreciate it. My home is still, largely, "Early American MAC" and that's fine with me. It will always tumble my gyro's!
Let your speech be always with grace,
seasoned with salt,
that ye may know how
ye ought to answer every man.
Col. 4:6
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-slivered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....
Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew -
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
John Gillespie Magee, Jr.
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-slivered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....
Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew -
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
John Gillespie Magee, Jr.
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